Regretting a What If

2:43:00 PM

Long time since I felt this way- regretting a "what if". I may have time to change things (or not) but I felt a bit stupid for letting something go. Why lau. Anyway this has happened other times before and it seems I have not learnt the lesson. So all I can do is forget about it and try to improve sth about it.

Searching through old word documents hidden on my laptop I found some writings I made years ago when I just wanted to write my thoughts down and not publish them. Here's another similar situation I found. You know people say everybody falls once but then knows how to go on... Well I think I am just stumbling and re-falling all the time to make sure things are still the same in my mind.

19 April 2014

A short conversation with a friend made me realize earlier that I’m not at all over certain someone. I myself made it very clear when I admitted “He’ll be my biggest ‘what if’”. Regrets shouldn’t be like this, now all I have is wonders. What if I had given him a 2nd chance before he left? What if we hadn’t lost touch like this? All I have now is some memories and conversations left. And he has found somebody else. Great. So yeah, I tend to give advice or like those kinds of quotes that tell you to go and live your life to the fullest, but I don’t really follow any of that advice.

New year new me is not working out for lau. Totally different person now but kind of the same situation. Should I make a move? Why is this weird? I see many efforts from his side but then there's sth lacking here. And I sure don't need more of this in my life now. I had enough with a previous sb who played some bipolar personality when it came to date now and then. So this is wonderful. When I had my head completely FINE now I start to feel sth similar is coming up.


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